Well hello there!
It's been over two or three years since I wrote something on deviantart. How insane is that? O_o
Today, I felt like I should give you some news about what's happening with me. I don't even post many things on DA anymore. And it's not because I am avoiding or forgetting about my account here. So yeah, I think you probably need to know why. Why have I been silent for all these years and why I'm not posting as many new things here as I used to.
First of all...
The last painting I've done was almost a year ago. It was "I will survive (again)".
I didn't give up on painting. Not at all.
The thing is... I pushed so hard, worked so hard to make myself known in the industry. I had so much to say and had this huge urge to express myself, my emotions through painting. I was good enough to make my way to many art fairs around the world (who would have thought). I did get some attention, but not enough to be able to make a living out of this. And participating to those art fairs can be extremely expensive. So I got myself broke and couldn't participate to any of those great events. But I'm still glad that I was able to get my art showed in the same room as Warhol. Who would have thought.
Even then, I didn't stop painting. But something was wrong. I felt dry. Not getting the recognition I hoped I'd get got be very depressed after a while. And I started questioning myself. Why am I doing this again? I think it took me years to understand that getting recognition for your art shouldn't be a motivator. You should just do whatever you love doing, not expect anything from anybody, but just be thankful if someone loves it.
I would show my art in some art festivals and... Even if 70% of people absolutely loved it. There was still that 30% that didn't. And I would only remember about that 30%. Their look. Looking at them stare at my art, judging it, not understanding, thinking I am probably suicidal or fucked up or simply highly depressed. Looking at them being shocked, or laughing out of "I don't get this shit", or simply trying not to look in my direction.
I think I wasn't strong enough yet. I wasn't strong enough to confront them. To be there to see them and answer their, most times, legitimate questions, but sometimes, absolutely ridiculous questions.
Woman : Why is he smoking pot?
Me : He's not smoking pot, it's a cigarette.
Woman : No no! He's totally smoking pot!
Me : Erm... I've painted the freaking thing, I think I know what he's smoking.
Woman : I don't think it's a cigarette. *suspicious look*
So yeah. I dried up. My inspiration dried up. For many reasons.
It was really hard for me to paint for the last three years. Whatever I would paint, it would feel empty. To me at least. Even if I've made some of my best paintings during those years.
And then, my personal life became a mess. I didn't know how to deal with everything. The lack of inspiration. The difficult relationship I was in. Living in a new city, far from all my friends and family (I lived in Vancouver for a year). I stopped forcing myself to paint.
Then something completely out of the blue happened. I started making music again.
For the first time in years (like... 7 years or something), I wanted to make music.
So I started doing that.
And as I was making what quickly became my first real solo music project, I was also writing a scenario.
This scenario was a complete fantasy. Because of it, I was able to escape my shitty life for something that seemed way better.
I wrote 135 pages. This was going to be my first real comic book.
So for the past year, all I did was working on my upcoming comic (which I've already started drawing) and working on my upcoming music album.
I found a way to express myself, my feelings and emotions through art again.
Music has been working extremely well.
I've released my first EP last august and I'm really happy of the result.
I've only had three gigs so far, but one of them happened to be at MuchMusic. Which is pretty intense (great).
The comic is going fine also, but it's a lot harder.
It's a massive project which is gonna take me years to finish.
But I've been working on this story for like 2 years and I'm still not sick of it. I guess it's a good sign.
To end this story happily : I started a new painting two days ago.
My first painting in almost a year.
And I think it's gonna be a lot different from everything I've done so far.
I've always mostly created characters and neglected backgrounds. All my interest was always in people, faces, facial expressions, etc.
But now... I feel like doing the complete opposite.
I think it's gonna be inspiring to me to try painting things I've never done before. But still speaks to me.
With that said... As weird as it may seem... I want to paint sceneries.
It's really exciting because I don't know what it's gonna look like. What my style is going to be.
But... yeah. I'm very very excited about this.
So this is it!
This is what has been going on in the last three years!
I'm not dead! lol
I was just trying to figure out what to do.
But now things seem to be better and I know a bit more where I'm going.
You should see some art posted here again soon.